In The Closet, Out Of The Closet And

Back In Again.The Revolving Door.

A Love Story or A Peek At A Gay Man's

Slice of Life ... Continued

By The Quivering Queen

Enter Richard's parents.

They were very nice, though traditional and very conservative. I had been over to his house to have dinner with his mother and father and older sister a number of times. His mother was a great cook and made sure to have plenty of vegetarian dishes for when I visited. His mother seemed to like me and even heeded my advice when I told her about the dangers of MSG in food.

At dinner time however, the conversation topic often turned to Richard (and I) finding the right woman for a wife and having grandchildren someday. Richard and his older sister were their only two children in this Taiwanese nuclear family and their parents were not going to have anymore. They would give my boyfriend a glance in mock anticipation when we touched upon the subject and he would smile and squeeze my leg under the table. Being the only male child, it was up to Richard to carry on the family name. To keep that family tree alive and growing.

I was lucky, I had brothers and I was not the oldest. And though I think my mother has always known I was gay, my father did not have a clue. I preferred to keep it that way. At least the pressure was not on me to carry on the family name... but still I had my own struggles and strife.

Richard called me one day sobbing. I could not make out what he was saying over the phone so I told him I would meet him at the park. I got to the park as quickly as I could and he was already there under the same tree where we became friends. How ironic. I remember that day how I had the feeling that this tree where I discovered new found love may be the very same tree that our love would be challenged or worse end all together.

And I was right.

I rushed up to him and put my arms around him and asked what was wrong. We sat down and I looked into his red swollen eyes. He told me that his parents found pictures of him and me from Penghu and Thailand. They were enraged. I did not recall taking any incriminating pictures and told him that they were just pictures of two friends that went on a trip together. That is what he told his mother and father too. But there were just too many of he and I and none of anything or anyone else. He said they put two and two together. Irritated, I asked Richard why his parents were going through his things. He told me he left the pictures in a shoe box in the living room and he forgot about them. Curious, they took the pictures out (maybe about a hundred pictures or so) and looked at all of them. All of his pictures consisted of just Richard and I on our two trips together, at the park, at parties and a few pubs we went out dancing to and more. Then they confronted him.

He told his mother and fathers the truth. I asked why he felt he had to spill the beans and he told me that for one, he had never been a good liar. But he also told me that he was sick of the secrets. I was happy that he decided to take control of his life. I told him that he should be happy... no more secrets. You are FREE Richard, I told him. That is when he told me that we could not see each other for a while... at least until he gets his life figured out.  He also mentioned that no matter what happens I was not welcome back to his parents' home. They blamed me for corrupting their son. They blamed me for not having grandkids. He also told me his mother started using MSG again.

I have not seen Richard to date. I have dated other men since him and tried to get my life back on track. But for weeks after we broke up I did nothing but go to work, eat junk food and watch DVDs. I refused to go to the park, though I must admit, I would do a Kit Car scan when I drove by on occasion. I also did not go tot the gym and I cut my hair.

My heart has been broken before and I know that it will be broken again. Life is short, so I try to be happy.  I do enjoy my life. But oh to be free to express myself without the hazards of an unforgiving world.

I am back in the gym. I am a strict vegetarian again. I am dating. I miss Richard and wonder what happened to him sometimes. But to be unabashedly cliché; I had to set my bird Richard free in hopes he came back to me.

He didn't.

So, as you can see, gay men do have the same love and relationship problems as do our 'straight' counterparts. But for now, in Taiwan anyway, we have to keep our problems to ourselves or risk being scrutinized or shunned by society.

Why can't they just let me be me?

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